BEHAVIOR TIP: We Give Yeses in This Family

Does it ever feel like the default answer you get from your kiddo is “No!” or perhaps even more frustrating: no response as you are tuned out and ignored?

Following the previous sanity-saving behavior tip Asked and Answered, we’ve got another one to add to your parenting toolbox today:

We give YESES in this family.

The idea behind it: We need to work together so we can all accomplish what we’d like (or need to do). So if our kids would like to get a “yes” to their question, request, or ask (e.g., “Can I go to my friend’s house?”), their chances greatly improve when they’ve been giving a “yes” to what we’ve asked of them (e.g., “Please clean your room” –> Done).

Here’s how it works:

Parent: “Joey, have you picked up your shorts in the living room?”
Child: No response.
Parent: LOUDER – “Joey, please pick up your shorts now.”
Child: “I’m playing my computer game right now. I’ll do it later.”
[Here’s where and how the magic starts to happen and explosions can be avoided.]
Parent: Walks calmly over to child, gets on same level, and asks for their attention. “Joey, I feel like when I’m asking you to do XYZ, you’re ignoring me OR telling me ‘No, I’m not going to listen to your instruction.’ If you’re going to give me NOs (or ignore me) when I ask you to do something, I will also be giving NOs, such when you ask me to take you to a friend’s house, borrow my car, want to watch my phone, etc. I will be giving a NO. Getting yeses helps to give yeses.”
Child: Some grumbling. “Okay, okay. I’m getting up now and will put my shorts away.” (Or something to this effect.)

More on how this tip works in real life here: VIDEO

*An important note: This tip DOES work BOTH WAYS, involving yeses on both sides. Now, that doesn’t mean we always have to say yes (sometimes a “no, I’m sorry” is needed for their health and safety!). However, it does mean that we do need to be mindful that we are saying yes to reasonable requests and asks. Because if they are always and only hearing “no, you can’t!” — take a guess at what response they are learning as their default (and what you’ll ultimately end up getting back).

Okay – your turn! Give it a try and let me know how it goes. And if you know a fellow parent who is tired of hearing “No!” or being ignored, send them this post. It might add some relief and a spot of calm to their week.