My husband and I recently decided to take our kids to their first Padres game down in San Diego, and we decided (at the last minute) that they could bring a friend if they wanted.
Unfortunately, the decision on who to invite at the last minute threw my daughter for a loop, and she ultimately was left going alone, which broke her heart. (In full candidness and fairness to my husband, he told me not to ask her about bringing a friend at the last minute so she’d have to make a fast decision. I didn’t listen.)
Here’s how things went: We had less than an hour before leaving to catch the train. Me, being the amazing ADHD adult parent I am, began shooting questions at her on which two friends we needed to call immediately so they had time to get ready…to which my daughter began crying hard and saying, “I can’t do it. What if they don’t want to come? I’ll be all alone.”
My own emotions told me: HURRY UP!! She is going to be alone and miserable all day. Hurry up.
And I’ll bet you can guess that this did not help things. And now we were both not getting ready for the game. Tears were running down her face and smoke was coming out of my ears AND no one was being called.
In moments where emotions are high and nothing is being accomplished, stop and reevaluate what is going on
Somehow at that moment I woke up. And began to breathe. I stopped talking and just sat with her. Then we were breathing together. We both began to slow down, both the racing thoughts and our bodies. I could offer her love and empathy over the loss of a friend coming with us.
We hugged and decided we would have fun. Together. With her dad. With her brother. With the other family coming with us. I ran to the store and got her an empty spray bottle to fill with ice water so she could be in charge of keeping us all cool. Her face beamed.
Patience and providing support and understanding are undoubtedly essential to parenting a child with ADHD
We don’t need to fix every problem; we get to teach them there are a variety of ways to solve problems, as well as show them how to deal with stress and anxiety.
The truth about parenting: we must have a toolbox. And not every tool fixes every problem.
My children are very lucky that this is what I do all day, every day. I interview experts who give tips, I go to conferences and learn strategies, and I work with parents every day discussing ways to reduce their and their child’s stress.
The truth is we all need a community we can lean on for ideas, for knowledge, or just to listen to us. Sometimes we don’t hear our own wins in life without someone patting you on the back and saying, “STOP, you just had a winning moment with your daughter. She heard your strategies and moved forward. YES!”
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Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash