In our June workshop, I had the opportunity to speak with Bob Dietrich of BrainWorx about the neuroscience behind ADHD and autism. During our conversation, we discussed how the energy of one person can dominate the energy of a family, impacting how everyone else in the family feels and behaves.
When you have a child on the spectrum and/or dealing with ADHD (or other challenges), the meltdowns they have can lead to increased tension in others in the family as well – which can be very hard and feel frustrating and overwhelming.
Bob shared some ideas to help, starting with this: Allow your child to follow through on their meltdown — don’t try to stop it. Then lead with your energy.
During the intensity of their emotional state in the moment, the only thing you can control is your own state of mind. So rather than trying to stop the meltdown when it’s happening, focus instead on re-centering yourself and bringing calmness back into your body.
While it may seem counter-intuitive, even as your child is melting down, when you bring yourself into a place of calm, they will soon start to feel and follow your energy, bringing their own energy back to a place of more calm. Then, once the meltdown is done and you and your child are both feeling more centered, you’ll have an opportunity to sit down with clearer minds and talk about the situation in a way where it’s more possible for everyone to hear and consider solutions (rather than trying to figure it out it in the throes of a meltdown, when no one is able to listen to anything!).
Now, Bob and I both acknowledge that this is easier said than done. It takes continual and consistent effort and practice. However, as with other natural sorts of solutions like this, we can end up ultimately tapping into the deeper rooted problem/situation and figure out a solution to help in the long run (resulting in fewer and fewer meltdowns!), rather than sticking on a short-term bandaid.
So our takeaway: As the parent, lead with your energy. When you are calm, you’ll help create the space for your child to come back to calm.
If you missed this month’s workshop, we’re looking forward to having another great discussion at our July workshop. For more details and to sign up, head here.