In February and March of 2021, we took a deep dive into behavior (especially the challenging ones we may see with our kiddos!) in our monthly workshop. While preparing for the May first Thursday (free!) workshop – which is coming up this Thursday – I was re-reviewing slide decks from past workshops.
The behavior slides hit hard, reminding me that as parents, there is no “there” we’ll ever get to where our kids (or us as adults!) will never again struggle with challenging behaviors. We are human, life is messy, and we and our children will always be learning, trying, growing, and exploring. And part of that may sometimes be challenging behaviors (which may show up in different forms as they get older), especially when venturing into new territory where they feel unsure, uncertain, or not know how to express themselves.
So I thought it might be be useful to take a moment and share this reminder today: Behavior is communication.
YES: ALL BEHAVIOR IS COMMUNICATION:
When we are seeing these sorts of behaviors, what if we took a moment (and a deep breath or three!) and wondered what our child may be trying to communicate?
And YES – I know it can be really hard in the moment to not react, especially when the behaviors are atrocious or very disrespectful! However, here are things that can happen for our children when we react, get frustrated, and don’t see the behaviors for the communication they are:
Now, this isn’t excusing poor behavior and saying it’s okay or acceptable. No, poor behavior – especially if it’s hurting or could hurt someone else – is not acceptable, and kids need and want boundaries. Rather, this is about taking a moment, calming ourselves, and practicing listening beneath the behaviors to what may be underneath that needs to be addressed. Because when we work to address the root cause of the behavior? The behavior will lessen and/or change into one that is easier on our children and us! And as a bonus, the more we model responding, rather than reacting, the quicker our kiddos will learn how to do that, too.
If you’re struggling with challenging behaviors with your child, check out these blog posts and videos for some tips, exercises, and tried-and-true ideas to try:
–Asked and Answered
–We Give Yeses in This Family: Part 1
–We Give Yeses in This Family: Part 2
–How to Set Expectations so Your Kids Follow Through
–How to Handle Power Struggles
And if you’re currently at a point where things are feeling challenging and you’re not sure what to try next, let’s take a look together. You can schedule a free screen/brainstorming session here. ❤️
Thank you Muzyczne.